It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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