I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
