He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
