On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
