You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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