Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
