Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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