is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
