Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
