i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
