This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
