his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
