your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
