Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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