I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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