Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
