Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
