I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
