I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
