my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize