I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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