apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
