Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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