hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
