he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
