can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
