Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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