I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
