How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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