Heybabeimwearingurpanties
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
