Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
