she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
