I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So much rum. So many feels.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize