As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
