I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
