that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
FUCK WHALES
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
