there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
