The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
