Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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