if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
