apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
