You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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