Define "chronic" masturbator.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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