She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
