I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
