I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
