I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I won the penis lottery.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
