That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
