I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
