Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
