I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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