Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize