the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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