Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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