The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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