I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
