can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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