I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Shitshow foam night was such a success
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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