Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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