I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
