wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
