Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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