I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm determined to sit on that face.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
