know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
