Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize