He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
