Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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