that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
