If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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