So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i've created a new STD.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
