Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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