Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You've changed since you got that strap on
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize