just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
