i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
